Yes, it's the one we've all been waiting for ... the Darwin Award 2003.
The candidates have finally been released! For those not familiar with
the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to the person who provided
the universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting KILLED in
the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition again this
year has been keen.
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer
grate to retrieve his car keys.
In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned
when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily
Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into
the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21,
dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting
in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying
him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used
their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident
of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using
heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked
on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death
was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep
his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was
stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was
trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, Del,
as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded
with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27,
and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in
the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with
a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock
near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his
In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out cobwebs
in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch and
caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his house.
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his wife
Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their
car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and
tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently
failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP.... TACOMA, WA
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said
they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge
in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least
10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival
at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a
bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed
out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was
secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge.
His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off
at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water
and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say, " said Bingham,
"is that God was watching out for me on that night." "There's just no other
explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER.... PADERBORN, GERMANY
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant
Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs
and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated
the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich,
46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when
the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's
unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck
his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate
his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective
Erik Dern. 'with no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for
at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he