This song (The Provost's Song) was written by J. Harper. It should be sung to the "square dance song in OKLAHOMA" A:*The faculty and provost should be friends *Yes, the faculty and provost can be friends Teaching may be in a rut The provost looks for things to cut But that's no reason why we can't be friends A RPT ** Faculty think they're Ivy League Provost thinks like Captain Queeg But that's no reason why we can't be friends B: Let's put in a good word for the provost The job was easy when the faculty were Monks But if he never hires Everytime someone retires He can save some bucks by filling slots with adjuncts C: Academic folks should stick together Like survivors of shipwrecks Provost wants to save a dollar Faculty want to save their necks A RPT ** The provost has his little list Of those who will and won't be missed But that's no reason why we can't be friends B. The provost talks in terms of slots and units But not enough of them are retiring The people in his clique Make the sounds of corpo-speak Rightsizing is an euphonism for firing C. Academic folks should stick together Like the members of a Tong Provost works to build consensus Faculty senses something wrong A. ** Faculty chafe at leadership Provost stafes them with a quip But thats no reason why we can't be friends B. Lets all get involved in the process Don't leave the tough decisions to Big Brother And if we cast our vote To cut someone else's throat Our program may be one of those left over C. Academic folks should stick together Like the members of the mob Faculty look to make things better Provost looks for a better job A (Finale) *** Program growth is a way of life Provost looks for a carving knife Faculty are bellicose Provost tells them "adios" But that's no reason That's no reason That's no reason why we can't be friends REMARK: J. Harper is a former department chair. He is now in the mathematics department at the University of Rochester. He works in homotopy theory and this song appears with hs permission.