LSA News

No. 00, April, 2005

Everything not mandatory is forbidden...

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Novel Psychosis Turns Librarians into Lunatics

A previously unknown psychological disorder affecting librarians has been brought to light in the most recent issue of the Journal of Psychoceramics. The disorder, a potentially severe form of dementia caused by conflicting emotions of love for technology and fear of automation, has been dubbed "disintermediation psychosis" by Dr. Ernest Widebrow, director of the Institute for Psychoceramics in New York.

Dr. Widebrow first diagnosed the condition in a New York Public Library technical services librarian in February. The librarian, identified as Lilly, worked nights in the library's digital collections laboratory. She suffered a breakdown after becoming infatuated with her automatic book scanner and paranoid it was going to replace her.

Dr. Widebrow described his patient's condition during a recent lecture attended by concerned librarians and curious psychoceramicists. "Lilly suffers from what you might call a split authority file," he said by way of explanation. "Inordinate affection for technology and irrational fear of automation caused a psychic break that turned Lilly into a lunatic."

According to Dr. Widebrow, the librarian arrived at the School for Psychoceramics' downtown Clinic for Cracked Pots exhibiting classic symptoms of end-stage psychosis, including "delusions of disintermediation" and compulsive wetting of the index finger. "The condition is reversible if it is treated in its earliest stages," he noted. "In Lilly's case, however, treatment was long overdue."

A sign of disintermediation psychosis? Quite possibly.

In his article, Dr. Widebrow describes thedevelopment of the condition and identifies symptoms and risk factors. One sign of early-stage psychosis, he writes, is the attribution of human form or personality to library science technology, such as a barcode scanner or magnetic strip desensitizer. In mid-stage psychosis, cognitive functions begin to decline, including the abilities to distinguish between indexes and databases and arrange materials in reverse chronological order.

The prevalence of disintermediation psychosis among librarians is unknown. "Many librarians are simply odd," said Dr. Widebrow, "We all know that. What we don't know is how many are truly psychotic." In addition to the librarian at New York Public Library, librarians at Harvard University, the University of Michigan, Seattle Public Library and the University of Oxford have been diagnosed with the condition.

Several of the libraries participate in Google's Digital Library Project, which relies on Kirtas Technologies' automatic book scanner. The scanner is advertised to have "a touch more gentle than the human hand," but a Kirtas Technologies spokesperson denied it is capable of undoing librarians.

Signs of Psychosis

Are you disintermediated? If you answer yes to any of these questions you may suffer from disintermediation psychosis.

1. Do you ever find yourself in an inexplicable state of confusion?

2. Do you make incoherent and extravagant exclamations on technology and library science?

3. Do you experience feelings of guilt and shame when you turn off your computer without following the proper shut down procedure?

4. Do you have a love/hate relationship with your cataloging software?

5. Do you take your barcode scanner on vacation with you?

MDLS Institutes Mandatory Telecommuting

With another long hot summer in the offing and a broken HVAC system, Metadata and Digital Library Services has once again proved itself to be on the leading edge of future librarianship. Hoping to save money and increase productivity, MDLS has instituted mandatory telecommuting for most staff, effective immediately. As is often the case, CMET team members have been the "alpha testers" of this idea. Laptops have been loaded with the appropriate software, and while their empty desks gather dust, the staff of CMET are "burning up the pavement" on the internet highway as they carry on their work in various other venues around the state. Although wireless is more widely available now, staff laptops have been equipped long-life power packs which enable them to stay away from the office for a month at a time.

Harriett Smith hard at work near Newport

Options such as neck straps, binoculars, and cup holders have been eagerly welcomed by the intrepid innovators, and now you can see Paul Harvey at most sporting events with a laptop slung over his shoulder or on his knees, making good use of the binocular feature, while Bill Murray has escaped the heat of the valley to hang out at Moe's in Florence. He recommends their clam chowder, and adds that the cup holder feature comes in very handy when waiting for a seat—for non-alcoholic beverages of course. Harriett Smith also finds the neck strap and cup holder features handy for working at the coast. She prefers Newport, where at the end of the day she can get a good glass of wine at Canyon Way. Although sand in the laptop can be a problem, she told us she finds that her best digital cataloging is done while strolling along the beach with her toes in the surf.

Meanwhile, Hank Wilson takes advantage of the scheduling flexibility offered by telecommuting to do his work between midnight and 6 a.m. seven days a week. He modestly refused to divulge where he was telecommuting from, saying "That's the whole point of the Internet—no one knows where I am, and I like it that way." Ironically, team leader Corey Harper finds himself in the office more often than other CMET members, due to scheduled face-to-face meetings with other staff, but at his suggestion more staff meetings will soon be held "virtually", in chat rooms or via blogs, enabling him to bike or hike to more remote locations, laptop and six-pack (of sodas, of course) in tow.

Harper reports that his staff's productivity is on the rise, along with morale and a savings on printer paper and lighting. "CMET is looking like a dark hole these days", he says enthusiastically, "but we've increased productivity 1000% and I can hardly get these guys to turn off the laptops and let them recharge. It's incredible. I think we serve as a great model for a direction the library could go, and has already begun to go with its 'virtual reference' service."

Thanks to an unexpected donation for more laptops from former governors Ted Kulongoski and Neil Goldschmidt, the rest of Metadata and Digital Library Services will soon follow the example of CMET. Asked where she'll telecommute from, Sylvia Worrix answers simply, "Mexico".

Library staff members will read—Or else

Weyco Inc., a company that administers health benefits plans, is telling workers to quit smoking, even on their own time, or look for another job.
–National Public Radio, February 2, 2005

Noting the importance of a high level of literacy among its employees, UO Libraries announced on Thursday that all faculty and staff members must make reading—on their own time—an important part of their lives, or else find someplace else to work. "We can't promote regular reading to our patrons if we don't practice it ourselves," said Associate University Librarian Mark Watson. "This policy will ensure that we walk the walk, and not just talk the talk."

"Most of our employees are regular readers," said Elizabeth Breakstone, who today assumes the title of Reading Compliance Manager. "Some of them just need additional incentive to read on a regular basis." That extra incentive will be a requirement to write book reports every month, to be evaluated by the employee's department head. The number of reports required depends on the difficulty level of the reading. If the employee chooses two books from the library's list of suggested reading, he or she is required to write two reports that month. If the employee chooses books that are not on the list ("non-preferred books"), the monthly requirement is five book reports.

"We're trying to encourage folks to read material that is academically rigorous," said David Landazuri, who has been appointed to the Reading Compliance Force, which will perform a number of enforcement functions. "If people really want to read novels by Catherine Coulter and John Grisham, that's fine, but we want to give people special impetus to read things that are intellectually challenging," commented Shirien Chappell, another member of the Compliance Force. She read a few lines from Semiotics and the Philosophy of Language, by Umberto Eco, as an example.

Thus, at its very birth, the idea of code appears wrapped in ambiguity: bound to a pancommunicative hypothesis, it is not a guarantee of communicability but, rather, of structural coherence and of access between different systems. An ambiguity rooted in the twofold meaning of communication: communication as a transfer of information between two poles, and as accessibility or passage between spaces.

"This is the kind of material that really uses the brain, and that ultimately will make us more in touch with our clients," she said.

The April list of preferred selections includes contemporary and classic fiction, as well as several nonfiction selections. "There are books about the arts, science, philosophy…something for everyone," said Sara Brownmiller, who helped shape the list. "And if you can't find something that interests you, you can petition to have a selection added," she said, "just as long as it's a work of significant substance." As examples, she cited novels of Dostoyevsky and Gogol, several books by Noam Chomsky, and "most anything with a 'Z' call number."

The task of reading the book reports will fall on department heads, although for a large department such as Metadata and Digital Library Services, the department head could end up reading as many as 150 reports a month. But Shirien Chappell, who heads a large department herself, said, "Well, gosh, if folks are going to write them, by golly jeepers, I'm going to read them. And I'll probably get some cool ideas for what to read when I retire in 2025."

What happens when folks fail to turn in book reports? That's where the Reading Compliance Force Comes in. "We believe in being reasonable," said Force member Landazuri. "If someone comes up short once, they'll be put on probation, which means one of us will go with them to the stacks to find a book for them to read. Then they have a month to get caught up."

If they come short a second time, however, "the consequences will be more aggressive," said Jennifer Lindsay, another Reading Compliance Force member. "Slackers will be detained in Room 318 during lunch hour, during which time a member of the Force will watch over them to be sure that they stay on task. They will not be allowed to go get food or go to the rest room, but the library will provide them with saltine crackers and tap water."

Before implementing this policy, the library ran a three-month pilot program in the Architecture and Allied Arts Library. "On the whole, our staff was eager to cooperate," said Erik Dahl, who served as compliance officer for the experiment. "We had a few who needed some 'encouragement,' but most staff kept up with the reading." AAA Library Head Ed Teague said he pulled several "all-nighters" reading book reports, but that it was "well worth the effort…The quality of the reports was remarkable."

Teague read an excerpt from a report by a library staffer in his department.

Further explication of the text reveals the rhetorical impoverishment inherent in the premise that the evolving dynamic between the principal characters represents a symbiosis whose reciprocity increases pari passu with the conditions of characters outside of story; such a neo-Hegelian analysis, concocted ex nihilo, invariably devolves into a contradictory tautology whose argument cannot be sustained.

"The writing speaks for itself," said Teague. "This puts to rest any doubts about the future of our library."

Uniform dress implemented in libraries

No longer will patrons come up to other patrons, asking "Do you work here?" Beginning April 4, all library staff members will be identified by their clothing. Library Administration announced Wednesday that UO Libraries will implement the recommendations of the Sartorial Uniformity Initiative task force, which drew up guidelines for staff dress throughout the library system.

Above: Summer uniform

Staff members will be required to wear uniforms, which may be purchased at the Librarian's Office. The task force recommended two sartorial schemes, one for colder months and one for summer. The winter uniform consists of a navy blue skirt accompanied by a matching blazer for women, and a navy blue blazer with gray pants for men. "The popular Librarian action figure sold by Archie McPhee® was the inspiration for our winter uniform" said Lisa Sieracki, who served on the task force.

The summer uniform will be identical for men and women. Having a huge supply of usher's shirts left over from the 1984 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles, the task force sought to economize while having employees make a cheerful statement. The orange and light blue polo shirts will be paired with turquoise shorts, which "will create a striking effect" according to Bill Murray, a staff member in MDLS, although it was unclear what he meant by "striking." The outfit will be completed by khaki socks, brown shoes and an olive brown hat. Some staff members complained that the colors did not match well, and did not convey the dignity of the work that we all perform. "There may be a period of adjustment," said Rick Peterson, who served on the task force, "but eventually everyone will accept it."

Orbis Cascade Alliance Announces New Service

Craving your favorite pizza from Portland, Seattle or Walla Walla? Crave no more. The Orbis Cascade Alliance is pleased to announce a new service. Borrowers can now request pizza right along with their books. Some of the best pizzerias in the Northwest have teamed up with Orbis institutions to offer this groundbreaking service, the first of its kind in the country.

Patrons select their choice of pizzeria and toppings from new drop-down menus in the Summit catalog. They pay at the time of request with their Campus Cash account, or their institution’s equivalent debit system. The pizza will arrive in 2-3 days or it’s free. Warming ovens have been installed in the shuttle vans and circulation departments to keep the pizzas oven-fresh until pick up. However, due to the strict "no food and drink" policy which will remain intact at the UO Libraries, library patrons must eat their pizzas off-site.

“We realize this is a bit off-the-wall and an unconventional approach to traditional library services,” says Shirien Chappell, Head of Access Services at the UO Libraries, “but with the state of our budgets it was time to get really creative. And what better way than to offer the patrons something they REALLY want? If elementary schools can install soda machines in the hallways to help raise money for their budgets, why can’t we sell pizza? It's a win-win situation if I ever heard one.”

Profits from the program will go towards various library budgets to be determined by individual institutions.

“We have yet to determine exactly which budgets will benefit from this new service. But it has been decided to first and foremost replace the worn and stained carpeting in the libraries with the pizza proceeds,” said Chappell.

Events of Interest

LSA EVENTS

The Office Olympics will be held April 1, 2005, on the south lawn of the Knight Library. Marion Obar of MDLS will demonstrate how to "shot put" a PC, while Associate for Unilateral Librarianship Mark Watson will compete in the distance event (5 laps around the cemetery while hauling a dufflebag, briefcase, and laptop). He'll be competing against "Loaded Lori", the buff babe of MDLS; Avis Thompson, the "Big Bird" of the Science Library; and Laura Damiani, "The Threat from Triple A". Lori will also be competing in the weight-lifting event, as she goes up against Travis Ritter, Betsy Kelly, Will Harmon, and Jon Jablonski in the "lift this set of software documentation" event.

The Office Olympics is designed for librarians and other office workers to show the sports-related skills they've gained on the job, and is co-sponsored by LSA and by Phil Knight, who likes to see librarians wearing his shoes. Other events include the long jump over the reference counter (heavy competition expected here between Kaiping Zhang, Karen Munro, and Catherine Flynn), and the espresso-chugging contest, where Corey Harper is once again favoured to win (as he has every year so far). To learn more or to sign up to compete, contact Rick "Pecs of Steel" Peterson in Access Services.

NON-LSA EVENTS

Accordions Anonymous will host Sober Puppet Night at Serenity Lane, Sunday, April 3, 2005. The puppets will perform a skit by Jean Murphy entitled "A man takes twelve steps into his psychiatrist's office..." Everyone is welcome to this free event, which starts at 6 p.m. As part of their new path, the puppets will apologize for any offense they may have given in the past. They wish to assure the audience that articles of clothing will not be removed (either from puppets or audience).

Terry McQuilkin leads this month's Book Circle on Tuesday, April 16, 2005 from 5:30 to 9:30 p.m. in the Knight Library Browsing Room. We'll start with an in-depth examination of Nuisance variables and the ex post facto design by Paul Meehl. The meeting will conclude with a preview of next month's choice, Schottky groups and Mumford curves, by Lothar Gerritzen and Marius van der Put, which will be explicated by Don Swain. Sixty copies of each title are currently in stock at Wal-Mart; get yours before the rush! Please contact Shirien Chappell with ideas for the summer Book Circle offerings.

Announcements

Library Administration announces New Mandatory Library Mascot!

In a Tuesday afternoon ceremony that though small lacked nothing in pomp, rhetoric and self-congratulation, Library Administration unveiled the newest Library icon, Peeps, as the Officially Endorsed Knight Library Mascot. Mark Watson provided a characteristically upbeat oratory, heralding the development as a turning point in the Library's longstanding program supporting staff and faculty morale. "These little guys are as cute as the dickens!" he insisted. "They wipe the floor with the Oregon Duck, no question. Not only that, but these guys have a national reputation for serious academic research as well as demonstrating a particular affinity for Library methodologies, resources and professional literature. What better role model could we ask for?"

Above: Peeps using LC Subject Headings Photo ©2003 Office of Fluffy Research, Staley Library, Millikin University. Used by permission.

In a related development, the LSA House Committee announced the purchase with LSA funds of a new appliance for the Knight Library Staff Lounge. Staff will now find a brand new Peeps Maker at their disposal for when those mid-afternoon munchies hit. “I don’t know how we ever lived without it,” said Susan Mincks.

Last updated: 041118
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