Library Haiku

Someone sent me that list of cat haiku, and I couldn't help myself. I had to pick up the thread and comment on something that over the last dozen years I have found to have equally universal qualities: the library patron.

Note: for recreational use only. On the whole, I wouldn't actually say most of these things. Might think them, though. The sad part: my library is at a major university, and most of these little poems are inspired by actual conversations with college students, graduate students, and even faculty.

Unless someone sends me more, these are all my own creations.

We have never meant
"unless inconvenient."
Due means due. Really.

Fat drops mar surface.
This book has been a coaster!

You need Reference.
No, I'm sorry, I DON'T know
which red book you need.

It has been twelve days.
You have twenty-seven books.
That fine is correct.

Grossly misinterpreted.
Can't find anything.

We are quite certain
your studies do not require
notes in OUR margins.

Missing images.
National Geographic:
Pictures sliced from page.

Sorry, can't help you.
All books on topic checked out;
Paper due today.

This book is moldy.
Why did you store it outdoors?
You study out there?

Machine of great mystery
Press button, then wait.

Sir, you are screaming.
In my years here I have found
Calm words work better.

You might break a nail
If you use the old card cat.
Heavens, no. Not that!

Yes, we DO have proof.
Raw egg cracked on the cover
constitutes damage.

Unfamiliar ground.
Words, words, more words, no pictures.
College is too hard.

Experience, yes.
Willingness, yes. Skills, you bet.
Telepathy, no.

Text block divided
Pages disordered, haphazard.
Preservation: Help!

What's this doing here?!
"PR" and "BR" are not

Eggplant parmesan
definitely violates
the food policy.

Some days I wonder
Whether folks are familiar
With the calendar.

Know it's hard to tell,
But "returned" and "left in road"
Don't mean the same thing.

by Lara
updated 5/03/99