Spew
On Our Very Own False Christ
Sarah is a remarkable human being, capable of juggling and balancing the most intense passions for justice with an uncompromising rigor for intellectual clarity and honesty... What can I say other than that I believe she models some of the greatest human virtues of our time.
Michael Dreiling, assistant professor of Sociology describing Sarah Jacobson to the Eugene Weekly, in the June 1 edition. Man, is somebody trying too hard to get laid, or what?
I saw people being exploited and forced into depleting their own natural resources.
--Sarah Jacobson, from the same article, explaining her decision to pursue student activism. We understand how she feels. After all, it isn't fair how impoverished third world countries have to deplete their own resources to survive, while here in civilization we get to make things materialize out of thin air.
On Lucretia MacEvil
When the workers from the Dominican Republic are making these hats, they make them with all the care and love that they can because they know that these hats are going to be going to students in the United States and we want the students at the university to wear these hats.
-- Former Nike slave and current anti-Nike activist Roselio Reyes at the Knight Law school. We American hat-wearers appreciate the love, Rosie, but it's the blood, sweat and tears that really sell. Thirty thousand more hats, stat!
On Better Living Through Douchebaggery
Here is advice from Rob Elder, a senior who has been an intern at the Redmond Spokesman, Warner Bros., the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, The Oregonian, the San Jose Mercury News and Premier Magazine.
-- From an email to J-majors, highlighting the wisdom of Oregon Voice Douchebag Emeritus, Rob Elder. How many internships does it take to get yourself a real job?
Start freelancing for newspapers, magazines, and try to sell your journalism assignments/stories. Most importantly, start working for campus publications like the Oregon Daily Emerald, Oregon Voice, and of course FLUX.
-- Rob Elder, dishing it out. Hey Rob, we noticed you accidentally left us off the list. Where's the love, Rob? Where's the love?
On Good Taste
You guys can go about your business. By the way, we commend you on your choice of whiskey.
-- EPD officer to an OC staffer passed out on his own back lawn, clutching a bottle of Knob Creek. That EPD: they may be fascists, but they sure do know their liquor. Excelsior!
On Kazaam!
I'm the big Aristotle.
-- Los Angeles Lakers center and mental midget Shaquille O'Neal, during the Lakers-Kings series of the NBA Playoffs. How did he fare? Big, yes; Aristotle, no. That's one for two, Shaq - a little better than your free throw percentage.
On People are Asian, Rugs are Oriental
The Bloodhound Gang's "Yellow Fever" - whose chorus is "Chinky chinky bang bang I love you / Chinky chinky bang bang I hope you love me too" has drawn the ire of a coalition of the University of Maryland's student unions, which plan a protest of the band's Friday night on-campus concert.
-An emailed call to action, forwarded from Maryland to ocomment@darkwing.uoregon.edu. If the lyrics don't offend your sensibilities, then rest assured: the rest of the music will.
The whole song is about how I want to bang an Asian girl.
--The Bloodhound Gang's Jimmy Pop, in response. Jimmy's real crime isn't his insensitivity to the peoples of Asia; it's his insensitivity to the ears of discriminating (as it were) listeners expecting more than a chintzy drum track and a half-sung drone..
On Then Again...
Are you bilingual? I was wondering if you were, because your syntax in your paper is just a little, well, off, and it sounded kind of Asian. And since your last name is "Rice," I thought that maybe you were Asian.
--J312 Professor Deanna Robinson, handing back an assignment to an indisputably caucasian student. Just another example of the institutional racism that runs rampant at this university.
On The Grizz
[Student Senator Jereme Grzybowski] traces his political "awakening" to a high school environmental group field trip to Salem where he observed OSPIRG staffers being ignored by lawmakers and business interests..
-Eugene Weekly, June 1, highlighting the utter uselessness of the our favorite whipping PIRG. Thanks for the help, Jereme, but are you sure this is the side of the battle you're supposed to be on?.