The Blowtorch April 1, 1986 Page 1 the Low spring enrollment prompts innovative cuts, backyard marijuana by Ann Thensome by Irma Armchair TORCH Editor BLOWTORCH Funny Farm Person President Twirler announced today, that no one would escape the consequences of a new round of bud.get cuts necessitated by an all-timelo w spring enrollment. "Name your favorite part of LCC," he said sadly, "and watch about 1/4 of it curl up and die." But, he states, ''This has always been an innovative college, and our cuts are no exception.'' Another seven million dollars must be cut from this year's budget, due to a drop in FTE tallying in at approximately 1584, according to Vice President of Money and Numbers, Phil Cherry. ''It's going to be a tough one,'' says Cherry, "since we've already trimmed out all uf the fat in previous cuts, the new cuts will hack away at the muscle and vital organs of the college." But he adds, "we've tried to be as fair as possible.'' The fourth floor of the Center Building will be sealed off for the rest of Spring Term, starting Friday, April 4. All class activities formerly located in this space will be cancelled. Students and faculty will have the rest ot this,,week to remove their belongings. Administration officials say they realize this may be a hardship for many, but they point out that it may increase campus efficiency overall. Necessity is the mother of invention. LCC needs funds, the administration invents. Summer Term will offer a new avenue of revenue for the ailing college coffers with the establishment of an Agricultural Program. Based on a recent study by LCC' s Productivity Center, President Twirler authorized formation of the new program. In his proposed report to the Board of Education, Twirler expressed sincere hopes for approval. The fourth floor of the LCC's Center Building will be sealed off starting April 4th [or the duration of Spring Term, allowing Language Arts, Social Science, Study Skms, the Computor Lab and Student Government to take an unexpectea break. Officials apologize for any inconvenience, and say they hope the new backyard Agricultural Program will provide funds to reopen the area next Fall. One anonymous administrative source says, ''The Language Arts Department and student government offices are up there, . and they waste an awful lot of time talking amongst themselves. If we can channel all that wasted energy into something more useful, we might be able to bootstrap this college right out of it's financial quagmire.'' LCC under cover by Smelly Hay Day BLOWTORCH Fiction Writer No more rain. Nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail. Nor bird poop. LCC has finally decided to build a dome. In a unanimous vote last week, the LCC Board of Education allocated funds for the construction of a highquality, transparent dome to cover the college and surrounding campus. When asked where the sudden windfall came from, LCC' s President Twirler said, ''I've been trying to keep it quiet, but the time has come when that's no longer possible. The budget cuts at the college have been geared toward this goal from the start. ''People at the college have asked me to start listening more, so I'm listening. What I've heard are a lot of complaints. If it's not one thing, it's another, and it's all coming down at once. This dome will at least keep the rain and the bird droppings from coming down around our ears." Construction should begin by Fall Term of 1986, after all the bids tor the project are evaluated and the best firm is contracted for the job. A cut in janitorial services will necessitate each student signing up for one hour of mandatory clean-up each week. Students who fail to perform their duties will receive no credit for classes. Bathroom supplies, such as toilet paper, paper towels, and seat covers, will no longer be supplied. This, too, will have its positive side effects, says Vice President for Student Commerce, Jack Barter. The entire west wall of the bookstore has been stocked with a wide variety of hygienic paper products, ranging from low-cost generic TP to the more trendy and spendy paisley and. camouflage seat covers. Barter sees it as both a money-maker for the college, and a chance for more excitement in a traditionally uninspiring situation. '' Some days toileting time is the only break students get,'' he points out, '' so why not make the most of it." Since 1/4 of the library staff must be cut, students who wish to check out books and other materials from the library will only be able to have 3/4 of what they want. Every fourth item will be denied. This will result in other cost savings, for the library, such as ink for the ink pads. -' 'Even the most seemingly insignificant economy must not be overlooked in times like these,'' states Phil Cherry. The music department must quit using both the highest and lowest octav.es, based on the piano keyboard. President Twirler, an accomplished pianist who holds a doctorate in music says, "This cuts me to the core, but I don't want to be accused of favoritism. Eliminating these octaves will speed up teaching and practice time, by at least a fourth, thus allowing more students to use the practice rooms and teachers to give more attention to the middle octaves.'' To cut cafeteria costs, the areas within 3 feet of windows in any buildings will be fitted with hydroponic tanks, which will then provide many of the vegetables used by food services. One-fourth of all gymnasium floors will also be appropriated for the tanks which will also house fish-farms. And competitive sports will be entirely eliminated, thus solving the problem of what part to cut out of The TORCH. ''It's a step in the right direction,'' he said in the proposal letter. ''The tension on campus has been difficult for all of u . This new program could provide increased FTE, a source of substantial income for the college, and tremendous national recognition.'' The primary agricultural endeavors will center around proper care and development of individual marijuana plants. It's estimated that with the passage of the Oregon Marijuana Initiative in November, there'll be increased interest in the technical aspects of crop production. And there'll be an increased need for qualified growers. In an attempt to meet the market demand for skilled growers, Oregon colleges are gearing up for increased summer enrollments. Twirler feels this is LCC' s opportunity to once again lead the nation in educational innovations. ''Here at LCC, we have what it takes to be the best. We have enthusiastic students, we have a supportive community, and we have dedicated faculty. We also have land that's ready to dedicate to the program." The ground to be used is currently behind the greenhouse between the Forum Building and the Science Building. Materials recycled from the upper portion of the Center Building (see story on page 1) will be used to build a protective wall around the area, and scanner radar dishes will be used to alert the college to possible trespassing. Page 2 April 1,1986 The Blowtorch LCC ducks incredibly Former vice presidential candidate coifed for spring reveals opinions in Eugene by Smelly Hay Day BLOWTORCH Fiction Writer Spring. That time of year when tfie birds and the bees slough off that winter fat and show their stuff with style. And never before have LCC's ducks had a better chance of attracting their mates. The improvement in their appearances has been notic- the run-off f_i:om the showers is beginning to take on a mud-like texture. When it, flows on to mingle with the rest of the slough that the ducks inhabit, the fowl benefit with flashier feathers. With feathers like armor, another benefit is protection from predators. Most carnivores prefer organic meals that aren't seasoned to taste like John Revolta's scalp. And with the stiff chemical When former national vice presidential candidate Gerry Ferraro stopped in Eugene on a campaign tour a couple weeks ago, the BLOWTORCH asked her what she thought of President Reagan's policies in Centra1 America. Without hesitation, Ferraro responded, "It's the pits." And what is her opinion on the Senate's recent vote for Contra aid? "That's the pits too," she replied. And what's her opinion on the effects of the Gramm Rudman cuts to higher education? "Those pits are so big," she remarked, "I hope you students will be able to find your way around them. '' ~- ed by several local birdwatchers, who prompted The BLOWTORCH to dig up an explanation. Our investigative reporting team has discovered that the ducks are finding their fe th ea ier o with a little help showering co-eds. From the short, spikey mohawk to the elaborately "feathered" look, the styles are kept in place longer with mousse-saturated pond water. With so many students who use styling mousse showering after P. E., coating, predators find it hard to get past the crisp outer coating to the meat inside without painfully chipping a tooth. The effect on the waterfowl's innards has yet to be studied. But as the rate of attraction - between --b1rcts climbs, the population explodes, so any nit-picky details, such as premature death by chemical poisoning, will be counter-balanced with the next generation's climb in numbers. As they say at the U of O, "Go ducks!" No, not Val Brown LCC's ducks beat U of O's by Zimmie Whimperwoman BLOWTORCH Whipcracker A pre-season game last Saturday between two tough Eugene Pond teams- bodes for a lively season to come. In the first civil war of the duck racing season, LCC' s Parnell Pond Paddlers waddled to a close win over U of O's Mill Race Mallards. ''The Mallards have a big strong first team,'' said head Coach Quail Fates before the game. '·But we've been out here paddling every day since March 1, fair weather or fowl, and I'm confident Val invades LCC by Darrell Foxx BLOWTORCH Fiction Writer Look out LCC students, we're being invaded by valley talkers! The Admissions and Athletic Departments have done such a good job of recruiting California students to LCC that now the college has a problem with valley talk. Over 1,000 Californians at LCC this year are from the San Fernando Valley, where valley talk started, and have been affectionately named ''valley students.'' Asked why he decided to come to Lane, Chris Crankshaft, a valley guy says, "I like had to get away from the groady smog down there, you know; it was like gagging me out.'' The new wave of valley talkers at LCC has started to affect the innocent Oregon. students, and has caused communication problems. Most instructors and resident students can't translate valley talk. But since it is being forced on them every day, they are starting to speak it themselves. Ella Vader, an experienced valley girl comments, "Fer sure, fer sure this college is totally awesome, especially the fountains. I've never seen a school with its own fountains, you know.'' Valley talk has given the English language a new un-: canny twist like a big American can opener. Valley students use a lot of similes in their speech. For example, Tim Berr was heard saying, ''I like it a lot better in Oregon than in California or else I wouldn't be here, you know. What can I say about Cal -- it's like put me on ·a rollercoaster and watch me throw up." Valley students have learned that wood products are the main industry in Oregon, so they have dedicated a new phrase to Oregon. Don't be suprised if you hear a valley girl going around campus saying, "Gag me with a chain saw, like really." Valley students have only one complaint about Oregon, the weather. "I'm used to massively sunny days in Cal. This rain all t.ne time really bums me out, you know. It's like a radical change for me, but I can handle it,'' says Al Catraz. So don't be shocked if you hear two students carrying on an unusual conversation like, "Hey dude, nice duds. You wanna go scarf in the cafeteria? I hear they have a totally gnarley salad bar, but stay away from the groady burgers .... okay sounds tubular." the win'll be duck soup." The Mallards are big. So big, there have been rumours of web-enhancing drugs in sports circles. ''That's reduckulous, '' claimed Mallard Coach Down Swanson in a pre-race interview. '' Any suggestion of fowl play is for the birds." Swanson's team has also come under quack-attack from U of O fans, enraged at the team's name change. ''Well really, we seem to have been fair game for just about every insult and accusation in the book. There was the drug incident, and now this. ''We were simply getting too much riduckule from other teams before the name change,". said Swanson, adding, "I understand it. 'U of 0 Ducks' isn't a very original name for our team." While the name change may have stopped some of the quackling, it didn't stop the Paddlers from beating the Mallards, three out of five races. Lester Quackson and Dave Feather led the flock in scoring. ''This should keep the Mallards from shooting off their bills about being from a 'real' pond," Quackson was . heard to say as the race drew to a close. But by the time of the postgame banquet, all differences seemed to have flown south. Players from both teams congratulated each other -on their ducksesses, and fowlures were forgotten over a hardy meal of tender spring shoots and scrumptious stale bread crusts. After all is said and done, birds of a feather flock together. Teacher: You should have been here at 8:30. Student: Why? Did anything unusual happen? Have you heard the story about how to keep a real jerk in suspense? We'll print it for you next week. What's faster than the speed of light? A yuppie in a BMW on the way to a Rolex watch sale. BLowfoRcH 11lE BOSS: Irma Armchair WHIPCRACKER: Zimmie Wimperwoman LEFTOVERS: Ann Thensome SPUDSPERSON: Da"ell Foxx SNAPSHOOTER: Frank N. Stein ASSISTANT SNAPSHOOTER: R. U. Kidding . PIX PERSONS: Wrathov Hahn, Ash C,m Dump, Phyllis Photog, File Foto, Anon E. Mouse FICTION FOOLS: Smelly Hay Day, Miga Lito, Darrell Foxx, Zimmie Wimperwoman, Irma Armchair, Ann Thensome HEAD PASTER-UPPER: Mal A. Blue ALL 11lE LITnE PASTIES: The same bunch listed as Fiction Fools, with the addition of Gerg Smailliw ADMAN: Gerg Smailliw DISTRIBUTION: Vinnie, Mikee, and Annie DOODLER: Mui A. Blue RECEPTIONIST: Was on vacation; we just let the phone ring and ring. COFFEE ANSUCH: Smelly Hay Day CHIEF NAG: Dorlh GOD: Ralph Ralpherson The BLOWTORCH is a student-contrived newspaper blatantly published once a year on April Fool's Day. News stories are shortwinded, full of hot air, and are purposely blown all out of proportion. There is no intent to be fair or balanced; the unbalanced nature of this staff makes such ncmesense possible, and the bylines have been changed to protect the delicate egos of the maniacs who wrote all this stuff. News features, because of their borderline value, are full of value judgements ,ind biases on the part of the fictionalists. These authors are also incriminated with balogna bylines. We left out "Forums" and "Letters To The Editor" because this is cm/ya four-page paper and that stuff is always so longwimled. "Omniums" serve as a public announcement forum, but the public wasn't for 'em in this issue so we didn't print 'em. All correspondence must be accompanied by five dollars cash or coupons good for free meals 11t c!Jlssy restaurants 11round town. Letters must be signed in blood, and even then there's no guarantees or promises we'll do anything with them. We'd print our location, but there isn't enough space left. The Blowtorch April 1, 1986 Page 3. Creative suffering ... and more Next Fall, students at LCC will be able to enroll in a variety of new classes being offered for the first time as well as quite possibly the last time. Enrollment will be limited to how ever ~any students the instructor feels like teaching on the first day of class. Grades will be optional, but are not recommended. Students who do not meet the prerequisites will still be able to weasel their way into most classes. Just tell instructors the Blowtorch said it was okay. We're not grading you, so what the heck! SELF IMPROVEMENT SIMlOO Creative Suffering SIM104 Whine Your Way to Alienation HOME ECONOMICS EC405 Cultivation of Diseases in Your Refrigerator EC403 How To Convert Your Kirby Vacuum To a Fully Automatic Rifle BUSINESS & CAREER B&ClO0 Money Can Make You Rich B&ClOl Looters Guide to American Cities CRAFTS C104 Gifts For the Senile ClOS Bonsai Your Pet C106 Do It Yourself Surgery HEALTH HEA204 Biofeedback ahd How To Stop HEA205 Skate Yourself To Regula~ity Budgetary cutbacks are forcing LCC to drop some of its most popular classes. We mourn the following losses: EC408 Basic Kitchen Taxidermy EC409 Convert Your Wheelchair into a Dunebuggy EC410 Cat Hair Macrame HEA206 Necessary Body Functions HEA207 Optional Body Functions SIM101 Overcoming Peace of Mind SIM102 You And Your Birthmark SIM103 Guilt Without Sex B&C104 Career Opportunities in El Salvador B&C105 Packaging and Selling Your Child For Summer excitement visit Mental Block City by Darrell ~oxx BLOWTORCH Travel Consultant year long, the pro Welcome to Mental Block ponents of City in the state of ConfuApril Fool's sion, home of the largest Day reason- herd of cliches running wild. ed the nation This place should be first and would truly foremost on your summer benefit from travel list. a single day Mental Block is about as exwhich citing as Boring, Ore. It has a recognized population of 25, including the legality the sheriff, the postman, two of practical families, and their dogs. jokes. They According to long-time also thought resident, Mayor I. M. they'd sell Dumm, the major entertainmore ice ment in town is "sittin' on cream the porch and watching the Go~ern- town's only street light h ment agen- c ange. This really fascinates cies don't the folks. We really get ex1221 A· D • close on this cited when the light changes when the ho Iida y . yellow, because it happens King of Pun- Schools and so fast, and not very often." nery, Je ster banks all stay During the hot summer, IX, decreed a f national holi- open and or all practical purposes, acday for the g e n e r a 11 y tivities become extremely exsake of good have a great citing. This is the best season time. Most for tourists. They can witness humor. Seven cen- businesses the pavement on Main turies later, continue, but Street, the only street in an ice cream it is town, bubble up. By an overcompany in estimated whelming majority, people M a d i s o n that workers think this is the most exciting Wisconsin spend time of the year. Even innoreinsta ted billions of cent bystanders stop on the the waged hours spur of the moment to take laugnaoiTity~ll~ ca~+.1c,------~l..;J:;f:. ~ • ,t• u ~ ~ . of the pun others legs. Junior Mint, a local bb. d As a result, youngster comments, "The and 1 ie every b O dy pavement can blow better Congress for stands a little bubbles than I can with my passage of a taller for the bubble gum. I think it's fun few going out and popping national holi- first day honor- weeks in them~" • However, his mother says ing all April April. F 0 0 1s • But unfor- there are dire consequences Acknowled- t t l when she catches him doing u n a e Y' ging the fact that good very fe w 0 f this. She considers it a humor and the jokesters drastic mistake on his part. bad humor remember to He knows he will receive a both run eat ice fate worse than death when rampant all cream. Dear Banana Split, How the heck did April Fool's Day get s tarte d anyway? Signed, Sloof Lirpa Dear Sloof, Well, not to inake foolery or folly of serious matters, the first A ril F00l' P s Day was celebrated in ° Survival story moving account Book Review by Zimmie Whimperwoman BLOWTORCH Whipcracker What kind of person hangs out near trash bins in innercities, harassing innocent passersby for spare change in order to buy -- not booze -but books? Students in the post Gramm-Rudman era. So says I. M. Poor, author of the recent best-seller, ''Post Gramm-Rudman Survival Techniques for the Student." Poor, a forr.er student himself until recent budget cuts forced him into lucrative entrepreneurship, offers helpful hints for students forced to take drastic measures in an age of zilch financial aid. Poor has done extensive research with pioneers in the field of cut-rate survival, French doctors, Bumme and Vagrante. This moving account of the scientist's struggle traces the attempt of Bumme, Vagrante, and Poor himself, in their efforts to find the perfect balance of miserable poverty and exhaustion without total annihilation and insanity for the student. You feel the excitement when the three scientists believe they have finally found the quintessential diet for base student existence: bean sprouts, raw tofu (a strange soy bean derivative tasting suspiciously of stale rubber) and mineral water. You struggle with them as they search for the maximum amount of change that pass- . ing businessmen will give a tattered student to buy books, and you'll jump for joy, as they did, when they hit upon the right number. (Their studies show 8 out of 10 businessmen would dole out 36 cents 99 percent of the time between the hours of noon and 2 p.m. on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays 4 out of the 5 times they were accosted with a blunt instrument.) You'll despair with Poor and Vagrante when they discover Bumme dead from starvation and exposure after living for 2 weeks on their survival plan before even attempting to sneak into classes without registering and clandestinely hacking his way into school computer systems to place himself on class role sheets. Finally, you'll rejoice with the two remaining scientists when they finally discover the answer: Quit school and write a moving account of three scientists and their struggle to find the perfect balance of miserable poverty and exhaustion without total annihilation and exhaustion for the student. You feel the excitement .... she says, "Wait till your father gets home.'' At that time he is made a shining example to all the other brats in town. Mental Block is a real hick town. According to Ann Droid, '' it seems like it's been around since the dawn of history.'' Nightlife in Mental Block and all of the state of Confusion is really eerie. The sky grows pitch black, and fog covers the town like a blanket. However, by the crack of dawn everything is crystal clear once again. To add insult to injury, during the winter, Main Street becomes very icy and as smooth as glass, while the houses turn white as snow. At this point in time, most of the residents here are idle speculators as they search for the secret to success, but only receive the benefit of the doubt. The town has a lot of room for improvement since it has very few mutual advantages, but many pressing needs. But as far as anyone can see, for the forseeable future, improvements will be held to an absolute minimum. ''We like this town the way it is. Some young whippersnappers come here and want to cbano:o ouo:rn~ _ _ _ _ ___,. tellin' us their pros and cons. I play devil's advocate with 'em to the bitter end, then run 'em out of town,'' said Isaiah Forty. So if you' re looking for a place to vacation this summer, take full advantage of this great offer to visit this well-rounded town. It should be first and foremost on your travel list. Vacation packages start as low as $9. 95 through K-Tel Travel Bureau. Order yours today! Have you heard about the • pulsion to marry they send self-help group called Mar- over a balding man with a pot belly and hangover, a riage Anonymous? woman in curlers and It's for people who are think- bathrobe, a two-year-old ing about getting married. having a temper tantrum, When a member feels a com- and a screaming teenager. IOOIOIOIOIOOIIOOOIOOOIIOIOIOOWIOOOOOOOIOOOOOOIOIOOOIOIOIOOIOIOIOIOIOOOOIOIOOIOOOIOOIOOIOIOIOOIIOOOIOOIOIIOIIIIOIOO!OO!I Stressed outP Depressed? THINK YOU HAVE TROUBLES? Come to a one-day Depression Control Seminar at the Multnomah Kennel Club, April 15. Cost per person $5000. All proceeds go to the Imelda Marcos Relief Fund (how would you feel if you had 3,000 pairs of shoes and nowhere to go?). Sponsored by the Coalition of Rejected, Expelled, Exiled, and Presently Somewhere (CREEPS). Begins at 10:00 a.m. 1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 111 i l ~ ◄~ .--1 d z .--1 ~ :>QJ ~ Poop prompts squabble by Ann Thensome BLOWTORCH Feather Editor Teamwork is the essence of survival. Over the years, it's been one of LCC' s awardwinning concepts. And it now appears that teamwork will be a key factor in continuing to provide the quality education LCC students have come to expect. In the face of impending budget cuts, LC C's Renaissance Room will team up with Campus Services to create an efficient disposal service for the newly-enacted Pigeon Eradication Program (PEP). PEP became necessary following complaints from students and staff regarding the excess bird poop around the buildings. According to Campus Services Director Caul Polvin, the current disposal process has been one of PEP' s highest cost factors. Polvin says he's personally been hauling the pigeons over to Eugene's Downtown Mall every day. "We had to cut back (on PEP),'' says Polvin, ''because we started to get complaints from the Downtown Center.'' In the meantime, LCC instructor William Aloha complated the effect budget cutbacks would have on his Food Management Program. ''I knew the students wouldn't be able to serve elegant meals anymore. The proposed menu choices were down to Beanay Wenay, Gen. Eric Meat Pies, and Macaroni ala Cheese.'' Aloha says he talked to his students about alternative menu items and several of them suggested squab. '' At first the idea seemed really crazy," says Aloha. ''But the more we all talked about it, the more potential we could see.'' Aloha approached Polvin, and together they created the necessary interdepartmental campus proposal paperwork in triplicate for administrative consideration. The new program, Meat Entrapment for Nutritional Ulteriors (MENU) will offer students hands-on survival experience. They'll be required to trap the birds rather than shoot them. And students will learn the foul art of killing and plucking. The Renaissance Room will make use of the pigeons Monday through Thursday each week, and the Cafeteria has agreed to use any leftover meat in their Friday Surprise Mini-meal casseroles. The Snack Bar will serve pigeon nuggets on Fridays as well. New wha-e-da-ya-call-i,t thing nears completion by Smelly Hay Day BLOWTORCH Fiction writer The monorail system proposed by President Twirler earlier this fiscal year is in the final stages of completion. Constructed to run from the bottom of 30th Ave. to LCC, the ~ystem will provide UJ?wardly mobile students with a sure way to get to the top. Irrational Guardsmen .,,r • may exercise soon by Mige Lito BLOWTORCH Fiction Writer sists MaDay, "is whether or not faculty and students will disrupt the success of the OIG's training at LCC." Oregon Irrational Guardsmen (OIG) may soon One student source who receive certification to pracasked to remain anonymous, tice military exercises on Telvein Green, said he fears LCC' s main campus next the OIG's presence will Spring Term. • "deplete" the stock of candy Meanwhile, LCC' s Combars in LCC' s vending mittee for Malevolent Sermachines. vices (CMS) is eagerly studyHowever, nutrition is what ing a proposal from Oregon the OIG troops will need to Sen. Riffraff Warring, haul their M16 rifles, semiR-Remote, that would allow automatic pistols, stun guns 177 army OIG troops access and nerve gas, up and down to LCC from April 21 to May LCC' s stairways, belches 2. MaDay. Committee ChairmongerMaDay says CMS will woman Maike MaDay, spitdecide on the proposal on ting chew into a wastebasket, says she believes the April 10, and she requests presence of the OIGs will that suggestions be scribbled help students appreciate and tossed into any of the LCC' s tranquil atmosphere circular-cement suggestion and their go-as-you-please containers just outside enrights. trances to the Center ''My main concern,'' in- Building. John Doe, a typical LCC student, says, "Hey, man, what with all them cars sliding all over the place last term, and buses going into ditches and stuff, I can really relate to this change in the system. It's really pretty cosmic, man.'' His wife, Jane, adds, ''Yeah, man.'' Both Does, who are followers of the now-defunct Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, feel that in a changing world, it's nice to have something as regular as the new monorail system to depend on. ''Them buses kept changing their routes and schedules every few years or so, and man, I really get took by surprise. But with this new what-da-ya-calUt thing, the schedule is real steady, man. I can count on it, and just go with the flow," says John Doe. "Yeah, man," adds Jane. Ronald Reagan & Mohamar Kadafy Cordially invite you to their First Annual Sand Throwing Contest to be held in Mohamar's backyard sandbox April 21, 1986 1:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m.